Jan 21 2009
Stop the mind chatter
As parents we can be extremely hard on ourselves. As the parent of multigenerational children that self judgement can be hard to swallow when we believe we are failing one set of children when the other set seems to be thriving.
For instance, if you think you’re doing a terrible job with your teenager because they’re moody, sneaky and disobedient, but you have pre-schoolers who are thriving and …
You know what? Forget all of that. Let me just give it to you straight. I have a responsible, loving and mature teenager who makes me proud. Don’t get me wrong: She can make me angry, forget her chores and be a little moody, but overall I am proud and have “missed” most of the negativity that accompanies having a teenager.
I don’t feel so hopeful about things going in that direction with my younger children.
To say they often don’t listen, spend a lot of time whining and are - as a group - very rowdy, is an understatement. Like every mother I love my children … all of my children. But I often feel like I am failing as a parent with this second generation.
What I know (intellectually) that I am a loving and responsible parent, but when things don’t go right or the way I think they should then I blame myself. It must be something I am doing wrong, don’t ya think?
Before you answer that (with a no, thank you very much!), remember not to be easier on me than you are on yourself. Gotcha!
As parents we are very hard on ourselves and multigenerational parents sometimes give themselves an extra dose of abuse, but as always we have to cut ourselves a break.
Here are a few of tips to help you get past the negative self talk:
- Think about what you are doing right.
- Be sure to take time for yourself without the children.
- Stay present in the “good” moments.
(NOTE: Frankie, you are not allowed to use this post against me. I reserve the right to pretend that I never wrote this and I will always say I don’t know what you’re talking about.)
I hope these help. Be sure to add a couple of your own tips in the comments.
